More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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