i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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