you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
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