it's too hot outside to masturbate.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
