You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Randomize
