I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I'm just crazy horny about you
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
