70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
