there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
She tied me up with her honor cords...
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
