If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
