ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
