this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
