AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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