Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
