Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
