i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
