I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
