i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
