dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Randomize
