LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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