Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
