No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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