woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
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