does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
