Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
