PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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