so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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