just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
