Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
