butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
my being single is dangerous.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
