Where is the hickey?
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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