did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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