Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
