so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
