the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Randomize
