I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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