Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
