so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
