just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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