He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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