why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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