He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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