i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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