i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
