All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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