Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
