I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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