I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
