I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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