It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
