Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
