shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Randomize
