He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
