sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
If I die, sorry about rent.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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