What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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