Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i came on her dog
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
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