He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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